y did u give ur computer a hand job?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
