the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
