I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
