she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
