i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Boobs speak an international language.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
