she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
