Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
