Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just had sex bonerless
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
