Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
