I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
