He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
