11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
