I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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