I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
