I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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