Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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