You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
