is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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