Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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