I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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