so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
