Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
