do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
