we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
