Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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