his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
