I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize
