i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
