Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
