I think scott just propositioned me for sex
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
