You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
