i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You ate ashes out of my bong
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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