We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
