took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
