I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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