just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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