I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
