I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
