My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
