your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
