I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
