I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
