that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
