I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
