My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
