Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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