Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
