had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
