do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Randomize
