My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
