the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
